use somebody

Sunday, August 02, 2009

Use somebody Current mood: contemplative "What I want is to be needed. What I need is to be indispensable to somebody. Who I need is somebody that will eat up all my free time, my ego, my attention. Somebody addicted to me. A mutual addiction."- Chuck Palahniuk. Looking into nothingness... I am standing so close to something spectacular that I can smell it. I yearn for a moment of being understood, a moment to relish in the splendor of solace. Who am I? I am one who has hurt and been hurt. I am one who has fallen, only to stand again. I am one who has succeeded and failed all in the same breath. Alas, this lifestyle...this mode of survival is unnerving. I am weary with survival...I want to live. I want to rid myself of expectations....I want to breathe. I want to find myself...in his eyes, whomever he may be. These peaks and valleys of love...they have left me callused. How is one to find her prince submerged in a sea of frogs? I have said that I will never feel again...that I will hide from love and all that it entails. I'm tired of hiding. I want to feel that rush...to be swept of my feet, to feel safe in his arms as if the world cannot phase me. I want to need him in order to feel like myself. I want to smell his scent on my skin. I want to wake up everyday as exuberant as the day we met. I want him to never need another woman...to be amerced in me and all that is me. I digress, does he exist? Is he real? I want to believe that this is feasible....that love will someday set me free. Until then, I will not falter...i will be diligent with this silent vigil for the passion I know I need. The final chapter in the book of my past....and the first chapter in the book of my future.