Current mood:enamoured
So...I haven't blogged for a while and I am going through withdraw...lol. I know you guys missed it...
So this whole love thing, isn't it a trip? One minute you feel completely desolate and alone and then the next minute...you are full again. To this man, wow- who would have ever thought in a million years that he would end up as he is. I mean- the same man that completely obliterated my emotions so long ago has now helped me through one of the hardest times of my life. He held me and wiped my tears as I wept for my marriage...I mean seriously, that is a helluva man. While the ex I cried for only continuted to say horrible, demeaning, degrading things to me as i begged him to take me back- this man stood in the shadows and watched as I tried to reconcile my marriage. Upon my failure of reconciliation...he was still here...awaiting with open arms. I attempted to go to marriage counseling with my ex, who coincidentally decided to take another f-ing female to the movies after the 3 hours of Melissa bashing that I took like a pro- but broke down afterwards. With one phone call....this man made an hour trip, which only took him a half an hour- just to hold me and reassure me that I wasnt the horrible person that my ex made me out to be. Here I am crying, hysterical even, over a man who looks at me like i am the biggest whorish piece of shit in the world....and the man that is holding me is the one that I am pushing away from me as hard as I can. Why? I have no f-ing clue...bc my guilt was overwhelming....maybe. Guilt or no guilt- it was just stupid. I let my ex take away my longing to live...and this man, this beautiful man helped me see that I am so much more than the mistakes that I have made. I am a beautiful person on the inside and out, and though I have made monumental mistakes, I am still worth so much more than the words that were being spewed at me. Now, i dont even care that my ex has moved on bc the man that I love reciprocates the feelings I give to him, and he isn't afraid to show it. He has shown me love that i never thought myself capable or deserving...i now know what it feels like to have someone love me for me, even for my mistakes and imperfections. No reasons, no stipulations, no questions- just because I am me...and i now see that I DO deserve to be loved as I love others. I do deserve to know true passion. I deserve it all...and that is what he has given me- his all. So to him, I say -Thank you for being true in so many ways, I love you. To the ex, I say...To the left, to the left. Everything you own in a box to the left. You should have never for a second got to thinkin, your irreplacable...cause guess what? U have been replaced.
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