Current mood:
nervous My dilemma is that people mistake me for a pushover these days. To those who truly know me...this is not the case. I have tried so hard to become a better person with more patience and understanding, but bc of this- people choose to fuck with me. Don't get it twisted, I am still me. I am truly on the brink of madness, and I am trying to avoid this. I haven't lost control for quite some time and honestly, the thought of it scares the shit out of me. I have seen the shit that I am capable of when I go off the deep end. It's no holds bars. Sadly, the one who chooses to fuck with me is someone that I have been with for something like four years, so you would think that his stupid ass would know better...wrong. He is about to unleash an ugly in me that no one has seen for years, not even me. The problem is, I don't want to do it. I keep warning him and telling him that one more push could be the last- but he's a stubborn, stupid man that refuses to listen to the voice of reason. I have never really been known for my rational behavior, and i have came a long way from the short fused psycho that I used to be. I do not want to relapse. He doesnt understand that all he is doing is making life more complicated for himself. I am so nervous that the next fuck up is gonna be the last, and I am gonna set this mutherfucker off. I will make him hate me, bet that. The problem is that it isn't all about us, there are two other innocent lives involved- ie, why I have held my composure thus far. So, if you know me- please pray that this ignorrant man comes to his senses before he suffers my wrath.
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