Monday, September 08, 2008
 | Current mood:  ashamed The truth, there really isnt such a thing. All that we know is a facade that is renditioned from one person to the next. To be so entirely misjudged, yet misjudging things myself the entire time. Words are fucking cheap...nothing more than an illusion. I could tell you that i am Nefertiti...but im not- yet, my free will would allow me to try to convince another of such nonsence. Love? meh....there really isnt such a thing. Its all a race, who can hurt whom first. Let me beat you to the punch a fuck up everything that could have been perfect...basically just because i can. Why? who knows, it seems like something to do. They are just emotions after all, right? What are a few tears...? What is one more heartache...? What is the entire negation that anyone will ever make you feel the way he did.....? Silly girl, dont you know that you were a pawn? Just another stupid, silly, girl...that fell for sweet words and a bit of charm. He told you not to- but you did anyway....and then he incognitivly decided that it wasnt enough...or perhaps too much. What are you to do now? Well...hurt. Its okay. Those tears that are obstructing the computer screen of which you are rambling...let them flow. You deserve to allow yourself this. You do love him after all....even though he couldnt conceive of what you felt. You thought he did, he said he did...he said he would never do this to you- but he did. And here you sit, head in hands....unable to catch your breath. So what if your stomach is aching like someone is stabbing you....so what if your chest is so tight that you can't even take in a real breath....so what if the rest of your body has no feeling right now...it was all worth it, wasnt it? He didnt mean to hurt you...thats what he said. It was an accident. He didnt mean to totally forget the fact that he loves you and try to endeavor in another situation...something MUST have happened to cause this. Maybe he was posessed, maybe he was sleep talking, maybe...just maybe....all that he ever told you was a lie and you never mattered to begin with- you were someone strong that he needed to conquer. Maybe...just maybe...he wont even remember who you are tomorrow- and you will become lucky number 5...as it was so delicately put and one point. Stupid girl...you should have know- love just isnt for you...now, go look at yourself in the mirror and repeat over and over again...you will spend your life alone, you will spend your life alone. No, no, no, no....he wasnt really your soulmate, it was all some meretricous mission....none of it was real. You were watching a play, starring you....and look at you- with tears streaking your face...holding your side...you would do anything to make this stop hurting at this point- see, you ARE the leading actress. Everyone believes it- even you. You threw yourself in this role...perhaps you will win an Emmy for really feeling something where nothing stood. Maybe there will be a sequel, maybe you will let him back in and it will all end happily ever after- or, maybe you will hurt all over again.... |
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