life is crazy

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Life is crazy... Current mood: melancholy Life is crazy...I recently talked to one of my exes- not just any ex- but my first love. It has been like 6 years since we talked last, and the terms that we left on were not that great. He put me through hell, I can't even begin to describe the emotional anguish that I endured. We were together something like 5 years or so, off and on. He saw me grow from a child to a woman. I gave him everything, every ounce of my being. After a long time of trying to hold on to something that was no more...I broke it off for good- it hurt like hell, but I knew that it was for my own good. Well, until yesterday, I was completely over it. Sure I still thought about him because people in my hometown insist on telling me EVERYTHING about him...and I was secretly crushed when I found out that he got married-but I figured that was a normal reaction. Anyway- after talking to him (on-line) I felt just as I did 11 years ago when we met...just like that- it all came back. I am so mad at myself for feeling this way. My life is so much better now without him, without the drama. I have a great husband, two magnificent children and yet a part of me still thinks about what may have been had we stayed together. In reality, it's a grim picture. In my mind though, it's all picket fences and sunshine. Sometimes I wonder if he feels the same, if he ever thinks about me- then the logical side of me says 'who cares if he does?'