Sigh...

Monday, May 11, 2009

Sigh... Current mood:hapless How is one supposed to believe in something when nothing is all they have? I sit back and nothing is at it was, or has ever been. I just need a moment, a glimmer of hope to allow me to see that this whole thing hasn't been in vain. How can I remain positive when everything I have done in life, besides having my daughters, has ended in failure? I never asked for any of this, but it was given all the same. No one knows what I have survived because I refuse to allow the world to see me weakened. Alas, even my walls are cracking. When every day is a struggle to remain sane, all I want to do is let go. I am tired of holding on the empty promises and hopeless fantasies, only to be left empty handed and even more broken than before. When looking in the mirror means staring at a stranger....this just cannot be my life. Where did everything go wrong? Has anything ever really been right? A sweet little girl who knew nothing of the world, and in an instant- it was all taken away. There are no happy endings, no prince charmings, just a handful of lies and cheap promises that no one ever intended to keep. I could have loved them, instead- I lost myself. There are some wounds that time simply cannot touch. I am tired of being a lost cause, I just want to find someone that understands- there is so much more to me than what I allow the world to see.