Life changing events...they happen every day. We dont recognize them at the time, but yet, they are everpresent. When you're me...you think. That is just what you do. I sit back...and look at everything- i analyze things to the point where the words run together...and it all starts to sound foreign. I dont know, im tired...and that doesnt help. Im a cynic...not by choice, but because i have had to be to survive. When all you see are thorns...all you have felt are thorns...are your eyes even able to adjust long enough to see a rose? Mistaken, i have been many times before- for someone who is just there...someone who just breathes. I think i understand...as sometimes my complexity even confuses me. I have never believed in whimsical tales of knights in shining armour...i have never believed i could look at another and see something that reflects myself. Believing is seeing...but is seeing believing? Can the truth yell at you...but you still don't hear a word? People dont believe in God...but He is still there. I have always said I didnt believe in love...or at least not in the way its depicted by some...alas, i find myself questioning all that i have ever thought. Then, i turn around...and ask myself...is this all a facade? Have I been bambooseled? Moreso...have I even fooled myself? Is it really possible for me of all people to find something where nothing stands? Is it really even feasible for me to think I am capable of any of this...? My conclusion....I need sleep...desperately.
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